I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
