You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
