4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
