I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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