She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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