it's not cheating when I paid for it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
