Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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