They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
