Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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