tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
