Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
