I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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