I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
