i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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