i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
