I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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