So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
