She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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