I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
