how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
