Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
