Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize