He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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