there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
