I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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