I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
