the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
