mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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