just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
