and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
