guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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