I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
