Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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