i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
