How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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