well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
