we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
