I wannas sexs uuuuu
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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