best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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