what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
