I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
