My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
