so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
