Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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