Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
