she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
