The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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