**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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