If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
