I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
