every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
