I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
