Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
