Jerry, you need to find god
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
