I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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